You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
