so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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