I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My ass is underappreciated
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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