Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
