burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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