I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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