I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
