his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
did i just pee glitter
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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