Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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