grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
