god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
