3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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