this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
