I think I won the penis lottery.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
