u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
even my farts smell like vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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