my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
