it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
