so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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