i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
