Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
