if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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