Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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