You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
