His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
