I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
