If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
