Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
