he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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