I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
