she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
