Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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