There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
