Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
