Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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