If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
