so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
