Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
