A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
