I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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