he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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