your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Be still, my beating vagina.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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