Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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