I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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