oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
