At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
