Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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