How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
