I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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