The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
