I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
