Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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