the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
