Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
