they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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