I think my fart just growled at me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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