Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
