Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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