Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
