I wanna bring you to show and tell
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
