The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
