I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
