I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
