Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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