I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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