were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
