fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
