somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
