We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize