Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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