i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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