lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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