i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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