:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
