ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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