It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
