He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
