I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
