Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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