ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
