the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
