I just made out with a guy for $7.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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